The Day I Quit Drinking.

If you’re here for a juicy rock bottom story, I’m afraid I don’t have one. My story is more or less a compilation of moments that had me side eyeing a bottle of wine from time to time; moments that probably SHOULD have been my final straw, but never were.

April 15, 2024 was just another day but for whatever reason, I woke up that particular morning with this overwhelming inner monologue declaring that I was done drinking.

I assumed this would be just like every other time I wanted to quit drinking where I’d skip it for a few nights, maybe even a week or two, but eventually cave the first moment the pressure not to became too much.

In truth, I was afraid to stop. I was afraid of what life would look like without it. I feared being judged, losing connections with people, and never being able to “authentically” speak my mind ever again.

I was afraid my marriage would crumble. Since the very beginning, we had shared many moments, bonding over a bottle of wine and indulging in those meaningful chats I so deeply desire. I mean, we literally spent our honeymoon exploring wine country in California! Drinking wine was just our thing. There was something very romantic about it for me. Between the way the glass felt in my hand, the aromas, and flavors… it was sexy, moody, and eloquent in my mind. It didn’t matter if we sat in our living room watching TV, were set out next to a fire or sitting in a dimly lit bar. If we wanted to resolve an argument, recover from a long day of parenting, or keep the good vibes going after a great day – red wine was always there waiting for us. I was so afraid that without it, we’d lose it all.

I know it sounds so silly, but these were actual reasons for me to always pick it back up. It was more than a desire to connect with my husband and friends, it gave me a reason to peel back the layers of my soul and share things I was, otherwise, too reserved to share. It was a way, I believed, reduced my social anxiety, made me more likable, more fun, a better mom, and just an overall better person to be around.

Ya know, until it wasn’t… but we’ll get there another day.

The day I decided to stop was not after a night of over-indulgence, it was not after I threw my life in the toilet or made a terribly poor decision. It was a Monday, the sun was shining, it was 70+ degrees out, my kids were spending the day with a family member, and I had nothing on the agenda. I slipped on my sneakers and went for a walk.

Typically, I’m a 2000’s Throwbacks or an EDM covers type of listener when I go on my walks. But again, I woke up that day with this new declaration on life, so I typed “podcasts for sober moms” into my Spotify search bar. Immediately “The Sober Mom Life” by this woman named Suzanne popped up. After a little chuckle because I mean, where’s the originality? I tapped the screen to select. The first episode listed was titled “This is how your Designed to Feel with Katy Rexing.” I thought, well, here goes nothing!

I started walking my path and this woman’s voice came over my headphones.

“If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it is making motherhood harder… this is for you.”

Right away, I felt calm and intrigued. Her voice was so soft and nurturing and I loved that she didn’t jump right into a shameful opener. Because I WAS questioning my relationship with alcohol but wasn’t sure exactly why yet.

“I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, hmmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible?”

I don’t know Suzanne, is it?! You tell me!

She jumps into this conversation with this second woman, and right away Katy begins to tap into my brain. She begins by describing her personality, her upbringing, her family, kid’s ages, how her and her husband met, and the involvement that alcohol has had in her life, how she stopped, why she stopped, etc. Every sentence that came out of her mouth had me captivated as it mirrored my own life.

The podcast keeps playing and playing and I’m now finding myself taking different routes on my walk, extending time because I do not want this episode to ever stop. The two get into this deep discussion about living authentically and “if it’s not fun without alcohol then it just isn’t fun.”

I’m sold.

As my walk descends and the episode wraps up, I’m suddenly filled with hope. Hopeful for my mind, hopeful for my body, and hopeful towards my relationships.

Oh right… my relationship…

While I was not immediately forth coming about my desire to quit drinking with my husband, eventually it all spilled over (no pun intended) and I came clean. In truth, I did struggle to articulate how I was feeling and why I wanted to stop and although he didn’t have the same perspectives that I had, he was understanding and supportive.

One of my biggest fears was that we would lose our connection to one another and geez, what would we do for fun if we couldn’t visit the winery or a local brewery?

Well, I’ll tell you what happened. First, our connection grew. There were no more washed-out conversations to be forgotten. There were no band aids for raw emotions. It opened the doors to deeper understanding, more love, more compassion. We began living for the moment with each other and our kids. We’ve traveled across the state for comedy shows and concerts, fully enjoying each others company. Things we hadn’t done since we first started dating! Perhaps we eat a bit more ice cream than we used to, but we also spend more time outdoors and more time with family.

I truly believed alcohol is what made me fun and worthwhile but what makes me fun and worthwhile is who I am – without it. While I know I’m still in the early days of sobriety, I can tell you I’ve never once woken up and regretted not drinking. My life has changed, fully for the better since April 15th.

Happy days ahead, friends.