You Already Know How Tough You Are.

I recently joined a gym close to my house. For the last decade, I have speculated from the Dunkin Donuts line what kind of business it was. As someone who has been a member of multiple other gyms in the area, I could only assume I “knew” what they were all about.

Let me guess:

Owned by a conceited meathead.

Over priced.

Their only goal is to make you lose weight.

They probably push their sales pitch on you over and over again, encouraging you to spend more and more yet receive less and less.

And then just insert a bunch of other presumptuous opinions here.

After I had quit drinking, and survived basically six months of bad news on repeat, I found myself following this new path of wanting to enrich my life as a whole. It had been years since I had last lifted a weight, so I wasn’t overly excited to get back into the gym, yet I did have this urge to do SOMETHING.

I started researching local studios – dance, pilates, yoga, personal training, etc. trying to narrow down what I was looking to do. After browsing a couple websites, I found myself clicking the link to this gym, merely walking distance away.

The inner monologue starts up with the previously stated assumptions, telling myself, screw it, I’ll sign up for a class, but I already “know” I’m going to hate it.

The next morning, 7:00am, I come waltzing through the door. Immediately I am greeted by two fluffy doodle dogs.

*huhhhh??? Dogs???? Not a bad start……*

I am greeted by the owner, who seems friendly enough – but remember, I “know” the type, so let’s just get this show on the road and skip to the part when I say, “Yeah, this was great, I’ll DEFINETLY be back,” and never show my face again.

The class is made up of only four or five people. The energy is high, the music is on point, the workouts are challenging but not in a way that’s destroying my mental. Am I really enjoying this class right now? Come on, where’s the catch?!

We reached a point in the workout where I felt my knee starting to act up. As a result of 20 years of dance, a torn meniscus in high school, a few pregnancies and some aging later, I am now the proud owner of weather predicting joints. But, Being the tough b**** I am (LOL), I’m ignoring the pain, just trying to push through this last bit before I hit the road.

In this exact moment, the owner comes up to me and says, “Everything ok?”

I say, “Yeah, yeah, I’m good!”

He replies, “Then what’s the face for?”

I was making a face? Shit. Busted.

“Oh, its just my knee, but I’m fine.”

I’m not fine.

Then he said something that has stuck with me ever since and I will probably remember until the day I leave this Earth…

“Hey, you already know how tough you are. You don’t need to prove it to anybody else.”

Welp. Hook, line and sinker, I’m a member here now.

I write about this almost five months later and still think of this phrase every time I find myself trying to push myself past capacity.

Speaking from my own perspective, I am the oldest daughter and a parentified child. It is basically my God-given right to be a perfectionist in attempts to prove my worth or be accepted.

However, I know I’m not alone in that battle. There’s plenty of others, just like me, who strive for perfect and have a rigid need for acceptance. Trauma, big or small, can create these kinds of patterns for us.

I know this coach probably says these kinds of things to everybody and for him, it was just another day on the job. But for me, that was a life changing piece of advice. Because really? Who am I TRULY trying to prove myself to? Maybe partly is it for the temporary outward admiration, but it honestly is mostly for me feeling like I am a worthwhile human; Like I only consider myself tough if I can push the pain down so far it “disappears.”

Yeah, a lot of good that has done me, huh?

So with all this, I say, YOU KNOW how tough you are, YOU DON’T need to prove it to anyone else! Not to me, not to your peers, not to your family or friends. How you value yourself at the end of the day is the only opinion that matters.

Oh, and btw, every single assumption I had about this gym was WRONG. Feel free to reach out If you’re looking for more information about it!